At present my usual instructor is unavailable, so I have been told to go out with another instructor by a manager. First problem, said manager did not tell the instructor, so I turned up on Tuesday, told the instructor I was going out with him – he (like Manuel in Fawlty Towers) ‘Knew nothing.’ However he agreed for me to come out with him – I wish he hadn’t!
This guy joined the railway in 1967, which makes him around 64 and has worked nowhere else. In addition to this he won’t retire as he has nothing else to do with his time - I think that I could find something to do with my time after 46yrs worth of pension contributions! However here is one of the problems – he is old school BR – you remember the sort, always on strike for reasons ranging from taking oxtail soup out of the vending machine to being expected to turn up for work when asked to! The way he (and some others) see it is that drivers should do an apprenticeship for at least four years, be a second man after that until another driver dies and has no time for this new-fangled way of turning out what he would refer to as ‘Boil in the bag drivers.’ However he is happy to be an instructor in this system as he gets additional payments irrespective of whether he has a trainee or not!
Consequently all boil in the bag drivers are viewed with extreme suspicion/contempt and women, well that’s another story altogether. Add to this the fact that he is not very communicative, as I try to make small talk and get nothing in return – I did get one or two grunts come to think of it. However one of the worst parts of it has been when I have said when I am going to either shut off power or brake (at places I have been taught to do this) I got no response – so I thought ‘Arsehole’s to you! I’m doing it here and if we crawl into the station or sail through it, you said nothing to stop me doing it!’ Mercifully only some of the former and not the latter happened! Needless to say I got it in the neck every time I stopped and it wasn’t to his satisfaction – which seemed to be more often than not – just be glad I am stopping the whole train on the platform! If this wasn’t enough I have had some of the things I have been taught by my usual instructor contradicted completely one of which was different to the laid down method of coupling-up – like hell am I going to adopt that procedure!
Mercifully I have been able to worm my way out of spending this Friday in the cab with him – as I don’t think I could have put up with all the carping criticism and with a bit of good fortune I won’t have to go through this again as I mentioned it to a manager when the opportunity arose today. If something like this happens again I might just be desperate to go back to architecture!
Wednesday, 21 August 2013
Friday, 16 August 2013
Beastly Eastleigh
I went to Eastleigh today to look at trains, its a busy junction and always gets a good mixture of trains going through there, both passenger and freight. Put it this way, it was a unique experience I would rather not go through again.
For the reasons I mentioned before it also attracts a regular hardcore of spotters - a category I don't think I fall into. Frankly it looked like an outing from an institution as a lot of them clearly had something amiss with them and I didn't feel that safe with them around.
After about 45mins I thought I would avail myself of the local hostelry, it was a Wetherspoons and the clientèle were a collection of people propping up the bar in 'my first court appearance' suits either on their way to the magistrates or celebrating getting off with a caution. I ordered a drink and managed to find somewhere to sit that had the least number of suspicious stains on them - I finished my drink and got out of there in search of something to eat as I didn't fancy taking any chances with Wetherspoons microwaves finest!
I wondered up the street and there was precious little on offer and any hope of finding an M&S at the very least were fading fast and the rain made this dismal place seem a whole lot worse (if that were possible). I got to a Sainsbury's and went in there - it really wasn't worth bothering as the prospect of getting mown down by Demolition Derby & Joan with their shopping trolleys. I just left there empty handed and headed back to the station wondering how could one place be so awful.
Based on my experience I would like to throw down what I would call the Eastleigh Challenge, whereby each contestant has to leave the station, have a drink at Wetherspoons and see if they can make it as far as Sainsbury's without becoming suicidal.
To think Chris Hunhe used to be the MP for Eastleigh, is it little wonder he had that permanent scowl, I imagine that prison seemed like a holiday compared with that place and given the look of his ex-wife she would have had no problem winning a beauty contest in the town!
Thank God I don't live there!
For the reasons I mentioned before it also attracts a regular hardcore of spotters - a category I don't think I fall into. Frankly it looked like an outing from an institution as a lot of them clearly had something amiss with them and I didn't feel that safe with them around.
After about 45mins I thought I would avail myself of the local hostelry, it was a Wetherspoons and the clientèle were a collection of people propping up the bar in 'my first court appearance' suits either on their way to the magistrates or celebrating getting off with a caution. I ordered a drink and managed to find somewhere to sit that had the least number of suspicious stains on them - I finished my drink and got out of there in search of something to eat as I didn't fancy taking any chances with Wetherspoons microwaves finest!
I wondered up the street and there was precious little on offer and any hope of finding an M&S at the very least were fading fast and the rain made this dismal place seem a whole lot worse (if that were possible). I got to a Sainsbury's and went in there - it really wasn't worth bothering as the prospect of getting mown down by Demolition Derby & Joan with their shopping trolleys. I just left there empty handed and headed back to the station wondering how could one place be so awful.
Based on my experience I would like to throw down what I would call the Eastleigh Challenge, whereby each contestant has to leave the station, have a drink at Wetherspoons and see if they can make it as far as Sainsbury's without becoming suicidal.
To think Chris Hunhe used to be the MP for Eastleigh, is it little wonder he had that permanent scowl, I imagine that prison seemed like a holiday compared with that place and given the look of his ex-wife she would have had no problem winning a beauty contest in the town!
Thank God I don't live there!
Wednesday, 14 August 2013
WANTED: Blind, Arrogant, Self-serving, Bell-end.
Just how crap do you have to be in order to become a recruitment consultant?
When I was working in architecture (if that wasn't bad enough) I would get emails about technologist's jobs in Bristol, they usually fitted the bill, so I'd reply with my cv. I would then got a call from some smarmy over-gelled acne-ridden tosspot, pretending that by just having read my name on a bit of paper give him the right to speak to me as though he has known me since primary school. That was always the first thing that got up my nose, well the second really, after the obvious fact that I have to share the same planet as such pieces of animated smegma.
Anyway he starts his load of guff about the job and then say something along the lines of 'The client uses Micro-station' (this is a drawing package that barely anyone uses these days, and not many used it when it was new!).
My reply was 'Micro-station, there was noting about micro-station in the advert and I wouldn't have bothered responding if it had said that from the outset.'
Stating this fact had about as much effect as trying to disable a Challenger tank by throwing a space-hopper at it. He waffled on, adding that he's been having difficulty finding anyone who uses micro-station - well if you put it in the advert you might not have to go through this nonsense every-time? Also it might help if the said practice joined the rest of the world by using something that is more or less standard in the industry, like Revit or Autocad - both of which I can use.
Do these recruitment out-fits recruit exclusively from either people who are too dim to work in Comet or just can't make the grade as an estate agent?
Now even I have been in a proper job (in other words not working in architecture) for nearly eighteen months and having told every single one of these cretins that I have left the industry I still get calls and emails off the twats telling me about jobs I do not want to do.
If I had my way I would start hunting them down with dogs - or just gunning them down in the street.
When I was working in architecture (if that wasn't bad enough) I would get emails about technologist's jobs in Bristol, they usually fitted the bill, so I'd reply with my cv. I would then got a call from some smarmy over-gelled acne-ridden tosspot, pretending that by just having read my name on a bit of paper give him the right to speak to me as though he has known me since primary school. That was always the first thing that got up my nose, well the second really, after the obvious fact that I have to share the same planet as such pieces of animated smegma.
Anyway he starts his load of guff about the job and then say something along the lines of 'The client uses Micro-station' (this is a drawing package that barely anyone uses these days, and not many used it when it was new!).
My reply was 'Micro-station, there was noting about micro-station in the advert and I wouldn't have bothered responding if it had said that from the outset.'
Stating this fact had about as much effect as trying to disable a Challenger tank by throwing a space-hopper at it. He waffled on, adding that he's been having difficulty finding anyone who uses micro-station - well if you put it in the advert you might not have to go through this nonsense every-time? Also it might help if the said practice joined the rest of the world by using something that is more or less standard in the industry, like Revit or Autocad - both of which I can use.
Do these recruitment out-fits recruit exclusively from either people who are too dim to work in Comet or just can't make the grade as an estate agent?
Now even I have been in a proper job (in other words not working in architecture) for nearly eighteen months and having told every single one of these cretins that I have left the industry I still get calls and emails off the twats telling me about jobs I do not want to do.
If I had my way I would start hunting them down with dogs - or just gunning them down in the street.
Monday, 12 August 2013
Motto of HMRC: Strain out a gnat but swallow a camel.
This verse from the New Testament came to mind on Friday in light of the fact that I received a bill from HMRC for £1370 and this was on the very same day that there was news of people that the very same HMRC have failed pretty comprehensively in tracking down goodness knows how many tax dodgers. Add to this what I have already read in Private Eye (real news with better jokes) the amount of tax fraud and money laundering that goes on in this country and for the price treating any head of HMRC to a meal in an expensive restaurant a blind eye can be turned it makes me sick to the core of my very being.
So what can a little fella like me do? Yes I will pay up as unlike Amazon, News Corp, Vodaphone, Apple etc I have some sort of morality. However in the future I will be known as Starbuck Al Bin Google, if it's good enough for them its good enough for me!
So what can a little fella like me do? Yes I will pay up as unlike Amazon, News Corp, Vodaphone, Apple etc I have some sort of morality. However in the future I will be known as Starbuck Al Bin Google, if it's good enough for them its good enough for me!
Friday, 9 August 2013
How a celebrity sham marriage works.
As I see it (which can be a strange way of seeing things TBH) this is how a celebrity marriage works:
1. Barbie and Ken (that's what we'll call them for this exercise) are seen together regularly in various places for a period of months.
2. Ken can't keep it to himself and also suffers from wondering hand trouble. Barbie is seen crying in various places for a period of weeks.
3. In the meantime Ken and Barbie's respective agents formulate the next stages of the manufactured relationship for further public consumption.
4. Ken and Barbie move in together.
5. Ken and Barbie rapidly produce a line of kids out of wedlock (I have views on this - which makes me an intolerant bigot, but bigotry is an equal opportunities organisation). Each sprog has a suitably ridiculous name like Epoxy, Maskol and Dignitas depending on who they can get corporate sponsorship from.
6. After around four years Ken and Barbie get married this is mainly due to a dip in their so-called careers and the fact that Epoxy, Maskol and Dignitas are now old enough to be pageboys/bridesmaids. Cue the most awful wedding since the last celebrity wedding. This see's the entire wedding party bungy jumping from The Shard whilst the couple take their vows from a well known 70's TV star who hasn't yet been question as part of Operation Yew Tree.
7. Ken and Barbie then sell the photos etc to a celebrity drivel magazine for a fortune to make up for another failed attempt to get onto 'I'm a celebrity....'
8. After a few months Ken and Barbie show you around their home in another celebrity drivel magazine.
9. After a prearranged period that has been agreed by both Ken and Barbie's respective agents, one either walks out of the home or they announce they are getting divorced.
10. There then follows a few months of media circus giving each of Ken and Barbie's side of the story for which they are again paid a load of money.
After this they then go back to stage one of this and repeat the whole exercise with a different person or member of the animal kingdom.
Well that's what I think goes on anyhow!
1. Barbie and Ken (that's what we'll call them for this exercise) are seen together regularly in various places for a period of months.
2. Ken can't keep it to himself and also suffers from wondering hand trouble. Barbie is seen crying in various places for a period of weeks.
3. In the meantime Ken and Barbie's respective agents formulate the next stages of the manufactured relationship for further public consumption.
4. Ken and Barbie move in together.
5. Ken and Barbie rapidly produce a line of kids out of wedlock (I have views on this - which makes me an intolerant bigot, but bigotry is an equal opportunities organisation). Each sprog has a suitably ridiculous name like Epoxy, Maskol and Dignitas depending on who they can get corporate sponsorship from.
6. After around four years Ken and Barbie get married this is mainly due to a dip in their so-called careers and the fact that Epoxy, Maskol and Dignitas are now old enough to be pageboys/bridesmaids. Cue the most awful wedding since the last celebrity wedding. This see's the entire wedding party bungy jumping from The Shard whilst the couple take their vows from a well known 70's TV star who hasn't yet been question as part of Operation Yew Tree.
7. Ken and Barbie then sell the photos etc to a celebrity drivel magazine for a fortune to make up for another failed attempt to get onto 'I'm a celebrity....'
8. After a few months Ken and Barbie show you around their home in another celebrity drivel magazine.
9. After a prearranged period that has been agreed by both Ken and Barbie's respective agents, one either walks out of the home or they announce they are getting divorced.
10. There then follows a few months of media circus giving each of Ken and Barbie's side of the story for which they are again paid a load of money.
After this they then go back to stage one of this and repeat the whole exercise with a different person or member of the animal kingdom.
Well that's what I think goes on anyhow!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)