Q: What do you get when you suck the last vestige of joy out of gardening (for me there would not be much joy to suck out of it) and replace it with crass commercialism and a host of minor celebrities?
A: The RHS Hampton Court Flower Show!
Today my wife and I went to this dreadful event on the back of it being just about bearable last year. This year it turned to cak within 30mins when I decided to get us something insanely overpriced to drink. I went up to the bar and waited for the girl to finish serving before ordering, like most normal people do and noticed another man (an OAP) come to the bar after me.
The girl asked who was next and I replied with the usual response, only to get embroiled in the following:
OAP: I was here first!
Me: No, sorry you arrived after me, I'm first. I'll have a pint of cider and a coke.
OAP: I'm first.
Me:
I'll have a pint of cider and a coke, please.
OAP: I was here first.
Me: No you weren't, deal with it.
OAP: You're day is about to become a whole lot worse.
Me: Are you threatening me?
OAP: It's going to get a lot worse.
Me: Well you have a nice day anyway.
OAP: It is going to get worse.
Me: Hang on, why all this unpleasantness? Are you one of those people who get some sort of thrill threatening people whilst your care worker isn't looking.
OAP: F*** off!
Me: What did you just say?
OAP: F*** off!
Me: You kiss your missus and grand-kids with that mouth?
By now this idiot is nose to nose with me.
OAP: No I kiss my boyfriend!
Me: Yeah, you look the type and I thought I could smell something unpleasant on your breath! Now run along and get him to kiss it better!
With that I walked away. I'll be honest that was a miracle as I was as close as I have ever been in some time to smacking him to the floor and I know full well once he was on the deck I would not have stopped hitting him until he was not moving!
What an objectionable c**t, I hope he gets diagnose with inoperable bowel cancer!
