How a celebrity sham marriage works.

As I see it (which can be a strange way of seeing things TBH) this is how a celebrity marriage works:

1. Barbie and Ken (that's what we'll call them for this exercise) are seen together regularly in various places for a period of months.

2. Ken can't keep it to himself and also suffers from wondering hand trouble. Barbie is seen crying in various places for a period of weeks.

3. In the meantime Ken and Barbie's respective agents formulate the next stages of the manufactured relationship for further public consumption.

4. Ken and Barbie move in together.

5. Ken and Barbie rapidly produce a line of kids out of wedlock (I have views on this - which makes me an intolerant bigot, but bigotry is an equal opportunities organisation). Each sprog has a suitably ridiculous name like Epoxy, Maskol and Dignitas depending on who they can get corporate sponsorship from.

6. After around four years Ken and Barbie get married this is mainly due to a dip in their so-called careers and the fact that Epoxy, Maskol and Dignitas are now old enough to be pageboys/bridesmaids. Cue the most awful wedding since the last celebrity wedding. This see's the entire wedding party bungy jumping from The Shard whilst the couple take their vows from a well known 70's TV star who hasn't yet been question as part of Operation Yew Tree.

7. Ken and Barbie then sell the photos etc to a celebrity drivel magazine for a fortune to make up for another failed attempt to get onto 'I'm a celebrity....'

8. After a few months Ken and Barbie show you around their home in another celebrity drivel magazine.

9. After a prearranged period that has been agreed by both Ken and Barbie's respective agents, one either walks out of the home or they announce they are getting divorced.

10. There then follows a few months of media circus giving each of Ken and Barbie's side of the story for which they are again paid a load of money.

After this they then go back to stage one of this and repeat the whole exercise with a different person or member of the animal kingdom.

Well that's what I think goes on anyhow!